My Commonplace Book

After not having posted or read for a long time due to depression-induced inertia, I had a hard time coming back even when I felt better.

But thanks to momomom, who's been calling me and getting me outdoors, to lesliepear who sent me a nudge, goingdriftless who sent me a nudge, and to ms_interpret who sent me an email, I'm posting this message, and I'm going to make a concerted effort to go back to regular reading and posting and reconnecting with my LJ friends. It's not that I haven't thought of you all -- I have been, regularly. And it's not that I didn't care -- I miss you all! But I was becoming a hermit in RL also. And I'm ready for that to be over.

Another thing that finally pushed me into posting today is that I had a dream about ms_interpret last night. It was a very encouraging dream, too, and I wanted to tell her about it, so I planned to call her today. I thought about her a number of times, trying to figure out what would be a good time, considering the 3-hour time difference.

So I wasn't really surprised to get an email from her, even though I hadn't heard from her in months. Apparently my thinking about her so much got through to her. (I firmly believe this happens, and that it's not paranormal but some sort of completely natural process we just haven't discovered yet.)  When I called her she thought I was calling because I'd received her email -- but I told her no, she'd thought of sending me an email because I was thinking about her so much today!

After we caught up with each other I told her that it's always hard for me to get back to posting after a long break, because I feel guilty about not having kept up with my friends. "I care about them -- a lot," I said, but how can I possibly catch up with their journals after such a long time? I feel guilty and awkward just jumping into reading and posting comments without having been there for so long.

Shannon urged me to just post that I'm back, that I really want to know how my friends are, and that I should just say that if there's something you want me to know about (which to me is anything important that's been happening in your life, since I genuinely do care and have missed you all very much!) to tell me or point me to an entry. She said, "People understand. I see posts like that all the time."

So here is another post like that. I hope you understand!

I had a nice day today, but I'm worn out!

This morning I went to momomom's annual New Year's brunch. It was great! It was good to see various members of her family I don't see very often (especially what_evaa, who's away at college in California most of the time), and even though I didn't know most of the people there, everyone was friendly and I never sat alone by myself.  The food was wonderful and the drinks were great (especially the mimosas and the Mexican hot chocolate!).

Then I came home and finished my soup. The other day I took the bone and fatty section of the honey-baked spiral-sliced ham I made for Christmas dinner and a package of Toni's Ten Bean Soup from the Women's Bean Project (ingredients: barley, anasazi beans, lentils, red lentils, green split peas, yellow split peas, black eyed peas, black turtle beans, red and white beans). I cut up two big onions, several stalks of celery, several carrots, a couple of potatoes and a couple of cloves of garlic, put them all in my biggest stock pot, and filled it the rest of the way with water. I don't use recipes for soup -- I just throw in whatever's around. About four hours later I put in the contents of Toni's spice packet and some other seasonings, and after another hour or so of simmering I strained out the solid stuff, put that and the broth into big containers and put them in the fridge.

Tonight I scooped the fat off the top of the soup, then picked through the solids to take out the bones and fatty parts. Then I put the rest back together and ladled out a bowl of it to test it. Ahhhh! Beautiful soup! Actually it's practically stew -- some of the veggies and beans disintegrated and made a the broth extremely thick and hearty, which is just the way I like it! It was delicious!

Tomorrow when I have more energy I'll divide it up into sections and freeze it. Then I shall look forward to plenty of beautiful soup evenings! Maybe I'll invite some people over for a big bowl of thick, hearty Bean and Ham Soup, a salad, and some fresh crusty bread ... yum!

I had a great time at my 60th birthday bash last Sunday!

I had about 50 guests, including woofiegrrl, vdentata, eudyptes, goingdriftless, momomom, phoenix_glow, and tleeves, who I got to meet in person for the first time!

I was delighted to have friends there from many aspects of my life -- family, friends from church, from my bird club, from LJ, miscellaneous friends, and I know I'm forgetting at least one other category my co-mod from freecycle. It felt really good to pull all the parts of my life together that way. And everyone was very friendly -- even the people who didn't know anyone else were absorbed in conversations every time I looked around. No one was sitting alone.

The weather was blissful. If I could have ordered weather for an outdoor party, I would have ordered exactly what I got: bright sun, temperature in the upper 70's, and a very slight warm breeze out of the south. It was a perfect day to be in the park!

I had asked Meredith and A to bring the cake. Specifically, I had told them, "Actually what I would love is if you would get a birthday cake! Just a regular sheet cake from Giant or Costco or wherever is fine." But instead they brought two cakes -- an enormous chocolate one with chocolate icing (at least two feet long), and a slightly smaller vanilla one with white icing.



And they were definitely not "regular sheet cakes"! A wouldn't say where she got these cakes, but they were obviously from an excellent bakery. The cake was delicious, with a filling of fresh strawberries, and yummy buttercream icing. Usually people just take a small square to celebrate, since ordinary sheet cakes don't taste like much. But these were so good that everyone kept coming back for more! Nearly the entire huge chocolate cake was gone, and most of the vanilla one.

What made the party especially wonderful for me was the help of four special people: My daughters, Meredith and A, and two friends, Ann and Wendy. They did all the work so that I could enjoy my own party -- from posting balloons at critical turns and setting up the pavilion to cleaning up at the end, as well as everything that had to be done during the party.  I saw A go back and forth several times carrying out filled trash bags and replacing them with new ones, and Meredith got the cake ready for me.



A few of the guests who were still there at the end also pitched in with cleanup, which was really nice. It's a trash-free park, and several people grabbed bags of trash or recyclables to take home, and Ann took whatever was left. My car was full of coolers and leftovers -- mainly drinks and paper goods, which I had drastically overestimated! I have to make a run to Costco and return what wasn't opened, but I have a lot of Pepsi, iced tea, lemonade, napkins, and whatever else was opened. In hindsight I should have just bought the drinks and paper goods at the supermarket -- that way the opened packages would have been smaller and I could have returned more of it. Oh well ... I'll certainly have enough beverages to offer anyone who comes over for the next couple of years!

Although I had made it clear on the invitation that I didn't want gifts, a few people brought them anyway, and I got quite a few cards. Unfortunately the cleanup crew helpfully took all the cards and put them in one of the gift bags, so now I'm not sure who to thank for that present! One of the cards was separate from the others, so I'm hoping that was the one that was originally in the bag. :-)

I had another gift, too -- something non-tangible. goingdriftless brought her guitar and sang a few of her songs for me! Unfortunately most of the guests had left by then, but some of the ones who were left came over to listen. Frankly I didn't care whether anyone else listened or not -- I loved it!

My actual birthday was two days later, October 23. A couple who had originally said they could come to the party called me on Friday to say something had come up, and asked if they could take me to lunch on my birthday instead, which I gratefully accepted. So on Tuesday the three of us went out for Chinese food. The party was the celebration for my birthday, but it was really nice to be able to celebrate on my birthday instead of having it be just another Tuesday.

My three Mylar balloons are still floating above the piano in my living room -- one still with the tape on it where it was stuck to a signpost -- reminding me of the great party I had to kick off my seventh decade of life!

OMG, am I exhausted!!!1!!111!!  It was a very hectic weekend, but it was all good.

( Saturday )

( Sunday )

But I ate waaaaaaay too much this weekend! Three all-you-can eat meals-- two big potluck dinners and an extensive salad bar. Ohhhhh. I was stuffed!

So I was on the go the entire weekend, and now I'm exhausted. I haven't done much all day. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I have an appointment to have my teeth cleaned in the morning, and I have to decide what to do in the evening.

( Choices and poll )

Last week sleepingwolf and oniricwolf came to visit while they were in the area. It was great seeing them again! I gave oniric the two big bags of fabric I had gotten from freecycle for her, made a picnic lunch, and we went up to Patapsco Valley State Park for a hike.

The forecast was for a high around 80 with comparatively low humidity but "considerable cloudiness" and a chance of showers, so we packed umbrellas. But after lunch (in a pavilion with a spectacular view of the valley), when we were ready to hit the trail, we ended up leaving them in the car because there wasn't a cloud in the sky -- what pilots call "severe clear." It was delightfully pleasant for late July, especially after several weeks of unbroken heat and humidity -- a perfect day to be outdoors!

It's always fun hiking with sleepingwolf and oniricwolf because, like me, they love to stop and examine everything interesting along the trail. I have only one other friend who enjoys that -- most of my friends prefer paved paths and just walking. Oniric is very knowledgeable about insects and plants, and very alert to anything interesting below eye level, so she spots lots of things that I often miss because I'm busy looking up watching for birds! (I love to look for birds, bugs, flowers and interesting rocks as I walk along, but I've found that it's not possible to look down and up at the same time while walking without losing my balance and tripping!)

I had a marvelous time! We stopped at an overlook that looks out over a beautiful section of the valley, and then made our way down the very steep, serpentine Union Dam Trail. We went to see the entrance to the turn-of-the-20th-century railroad tunnel, looked for rocks and bugs on the wide "beach" behind the dam, and then ambled down the unnamed trail along the riverbank. We're in the midst of a drought so the river is lazy and slow -- a perfect setting for a warm lazy summer afternoon.

After a few hours of walking through the woods, collecting river rocks, looking at interesting flora and fauna -- especially great close views of a Wood Thrush pair and a beautiful Blue-fronted Dancer damselfly (see pic!) -- having a couple of interesting adventures, and struggling back up the steep trail, we were happy but tired and hungry. Sleepingwolf and oniricwolf remembered that I had mentioned an authentic Mexican restaurant (owned and operated by a Mexican family) and wanted to go there. We had a great meal, then drove back to my house and enjoyed chatting late into the night.

( Photos and interesting stories )

Most of the rest of the photos are in the new gallery Nature in Summer - July 2007

I may not have time to post until much later, so I'm posting this now:

The FedEx tracking site says: 

        May 1, 2007          7:33 AM                
        On FedEx vehicle for delivery

=pant, pant=

Even better, the telephoto and wide-angle lenses (with the adapter for the camera) are already here! I only ordered them on Saturday night (from 47th St. Camera via eBay) and they were shipped UPS Ground, so I certainly didn't expect them to be here already. Now I can start practicing with the memory the camera comes with until the 2 gig SD cards get here, and then I'll be ready to rhumba!

The lenses also came with a clever little flexible-legged tripod that's only about 5" high and very lightweight, perfect for carrying around, and a lens-cleaning kit.

I had my first catbird of the season at the feeder a little while ago, my Red-bellied Woodpecker is drumming on the rain gutter right now, and the sun is shining.

I talked to momomom a little while ago and helped her identify a Red-breasted Grosbeak -- a new yard bird for her -- and shared her excitement at having her first hummingbird of the season arrive at her hummer feeder. She is healing beautifully and is feeling much better than before her surgery.

It's a good day.

After an inauspicious start, my day yesterday got much better when I went to see phoenix_glow's new baby, Brianna!

Phoenix is always fun to be with, and Bri is absolutely gorgeous! She's four months old already, but I hadn't seen her yet because Phoenix and the rest of the family have been passing around to each other all winter.  I gave Bri a matching hand-crocheted set of a baby blanket, jacket and hat that I got for her last November at our church's silent auction. I didn't know what on earth to get for a third baby -- I figured Phoenix would already have everything she could possibly need! -- so I thought something handmade from the church we both attend would be more special that something store-bought.

Unfortunately Bri was sleeping most of the time I was there, but I did get to see her (and hold her!) for a little while before I left. What a beautiful little girl! She's a very happy, easy-going baby with a gorgeous bright cornflower-blue eyes and a knock-em-dead smile. And she smiles often! I played peek-a-boo with her and she loved it. Every time I said "ahhh, boo!" she'd startle, and then give me a huge, cockeyed grin. And then she'd stare at me waiting for the next one. It was so cute!

Also cute, but not nearly in the same league, is Phoenix's Roomba! I'd never seen one in action before, so Phoenix turned hers on for me so I could watch it for a few minutes. It is so cool! She has it on a timer and it cleans the living room and dining room every morning from 10 to 11. The floor was quite clean, so it must do a good job! She also has a Scooba, which she says does a great job in the kitchen and bathroom. Now I'm dying to get one of each!

After I left Phoenix's house I went to the library to return a book. I got three more, and did something I've never done before -- I filed a "request for reconsideration" of a recently purchased book.

I took out one bird book and two travel books. The bird book is Songbird Journeys: Four Seasons in the Lives of Migratory Birds. It looks really good, and I'm looking forward to reading it!

The travel books are Insight Guide: Alaska and Cruising Alaska: A Traveler's Guide to Cruising Alaskan Waters & Discovering the Interior because I'm going on a cruise to Alaska this spring!!!

I'm really starting to get excited! I'm going with my kids, woofiegrrl and her partner A, on an inside passage cruise. The main stops are Juneau, Ketchikan and Skagway, and for our obligatory foreign port our last stop is in  Victoria, BC from 6 pm to midnight, where I'll get to meet ms_interpret and her family!

I can't wait to read the books! I started the cruising one last night but I haven't gotten to read any more of it yet.

B___, one of the members of my Spiritual Support Group, has studied masks and mask-making for many years. Since we meet on Tuesdays, she offered to lead the meeting on Mardi Gras. She has many beautiful masks that she has bought and made -- plaster life masks, papier maché masks, and a number of fancy feathered masks that she got in New Orleans.

B started out by giving us some information about the history of Shrove Tuesday / Mardi Gras. I asked some questions that no one knew the answer to, so I said I'd find out today. After that she did a guided meditation, and then had us look through all the masks in her collection and choose one, telling us not to pick the one that was prettiest or coolest, but the one that we felt most drawn to emotionally.

There were several feathered masks that were all the same except for their colors -- I liked them, but none of the color combinations was just right. I browsed around the masks for awhile without seeing anything that really spoke to me. Then I  found out that B hadn't taken them all out of the box, so I went over there to look -- and spotted a feathered mask in the shape of a butterfly that I knew instantly was the one.




Once we had our masks, we each spoke about why we chose that one.  I love this one because it's a butterfly, and I love birds and butterflies and nature. When I look at it in my hand it's obviously a butterfly; but when I'm wearing it, it also has a cat-like look. It's made from feathers, which reminds me of birds. The shape is very graceful, the colors are lovely, and in general the mask just strikes me as the most beautiful of all of them.

I didn't get to keep it, of course, but B did give all of us Mardi Gras beads and plain masks (I picked a gold one).

B had also gotten a King Cake for us. She explained the name and tradition, then we ate some -- it was delicious! Joel got the piece with the baby in it, which brings him good luck for the year ... and also means he has to bring the King Cake next year!

You can see all of us in our masks, the King Cake, and a handout on the history of the King Cake here.  (More photos will be added when I get the rest of the pics that were taken.)


Today I researched what we had been talking about, and this is the email I sent to the group:

( Interesting Shrove Tuesday information )

I ventured out yesterday for the first time since the sleet storm started on Tuesday.

( Chocolate )

( Birdseed )

( Hiking boots and Yaktrax )

I tried them out, and they're great! I highly recommend YakTrax to those of you who get snow and ice!

When I got home I found that my strategy of shoveling two strips in my parking space worked perfectly! I put ice melt in them before I left to get rid of the residue I hadn't been able to remove, and when I came back I backed the car in, and not only did the wheels fit right into the strips of clear pavement, I had a few inches on the left side to walk (well, sidle) in. I was very proud of myself for not only shoveling exactly the right places, but also for backing in so perfectly. I used to be terrible at backing up, especially after I stopped being able to turn my head and had to do it with only the mirrors. But I've gotten much better at it over the years.

The MoveOn.org house party I signed up for was cancelled --  not because of the weather, but because the host said something had come up that afternoon and she had to do something else. I was half disappointed because I really wanted to go, and half relieved that I wouldn't have to go out with the parking lot still so icy and worry about the condition of parking at the host's house. So I just stayed in and stayed cozy.

This morning eudyptes came over to pick up his Yaktrax, and while he was here he brought in the birdseed and filled the feeders for me. (Thank you, Ken!) They've been empty for months so I asked him to scatter a bunch of it on top of the snow, both for the ground feeders and to show the birds there was something there. Unfortunately the squirrels found it first -- within 15 minutes there were four of them sitting in the front yard going to town on the seeds.

( Good Deed for the Day )

I've been absolutely thrilled with the way my car has been getting in and out over the ice! I was apprehensive yesterday about whether I could even get out of the parking space -- the plow had shoved some snow in the way, and it had frozen solid. But the CR-V barely even hesitated, and went right over the big slippery lump! Backing in was the same, as was going out today, so I felt confident enough to pull straight in tonight instead of backing in. I'm glad I didn't pay the extra $1200 for all-wheel-drive. Since I'm retired I usually just opt not to go out when the roads are bad, and on the rare occasions I may have to (or choose to), it looks like my front-wheel-drive car will do just fine!

So I got a lot accomplished in the last few days and I'm feeling good about that!

So here I was, trying not to think about today being anything other than the 14th of February, when the doorbell rang. It's icy and snowy and slushy out there ... who on earth could be at my door?! Must be the mailman because I didn't take the mail out of the box yesterday and maybe a bunch of magazines came and it's full.

I looked through the sidelight, and the first thing I saw was a beautiful pink long-stemmed rose! I looked up ... it was my friend JB -- a wonderful, sweet, vigorous man in his 70s with old-fashioned manners.

( J )

The rose came with a homemade delivery card, which said:

May no fair damsel go unremembered on Valentine's Day

In remembering you this day
I am assured that you will remember me
What more could a man ask than
To be remembered by a fair damsel on Valentine's Day

Thank you for being my friend
Love, J___

There was also a box of "chocolates" -- chocolate Necco conversation hearts!

It's so sweet! I told J, "I wasn't having Valentine's Day today, I was just having February 14th."

"Now you're having Valentine's Day," he said.

I wanted to answer each comment to my poking-my-head-up post. I was hoping to do it tonight, but I wasn't feeling well and spent most of the evening in bed (more about my day below). So I'll just say a general thank you here to all of you. Your responses helped me stuff those pesky insecurities back down under their rock for now. And I have a much better handle on how some of you react to returning readers.


One of the events I bought at my church fund-raising auction last fall was a Winter Picnic. This was the description in the auction brochure:

Back by popular demand! A February picnic at the R___'s indoor swimming pool. No sunscreen needed! Highlights include games, music, and swimming as well as customary picnic fare with a few gourmet twists prepared by some of this congregation's best cooks. Dress for a day by the pool.

Today was the day, and I had a great time! The games were mostly written quizzes and simple puzzles that spontaneous groups worked on cooperatively. There were no prizes, it was just for fun -- and it was fun.  Just chatting was fun, too.

The food was terrific, since one of the hosts was JW, who has long been acknowledged as the best cook in the congregation. The first course was soup -- minestrone and J's famous black bean soup -- and bread. Later there were hot dogs, hamburgers, and kielbasa -- with all the trimmings, of course -- along with homemade baked beans and J's famous potato salad.

Dessert was a chocolate cake with chocolate icing (made by BR, whose house it was at), banana cream pie with toasted coconut to sprinkle over it, and apple cobbler. Anyone who knows I'm a chocoholic doesn't have to be told which one I had! (Although I did later take a very tiny piece of banana cream pie just to try it. I was too full by then for more than one dessert!)

But the best part of all was the pool! I really wanted to swim, but even though the pool area was heated, it's actually winter here -- finally! -- and the high today was in the low 30s, so it was still a bit cool for me, and even 80º water is too painful for me. But when the pool cover was retracted and I saw the hot tub, my eyes lit up.

The pool enclosure is all glass, and in the Rs' rural location there's still a light dusting of snow on the ground. Lolling in the steaming hot tub looking out at the snow was just heaven! The hot tub is within the pool rectangle, separated only by the tiled walls, so it was companionable and even though I was the only one in the hot tub for quite awhile I didn't feel alone.

I threw a rubber duck to my friend Wendy who was swimming in the pool, and we played catch with it for a little while until someone noticed a water badminton set and threw the squishy ball to Wendy. The others three people in the pool ended up playing too and we had a great time throwing the ball around. Kathy W got in the hot tub and her husband threw the ball at her and bopped her right on the head -- it was pretty funny. The game went on for so long that I actually got tired of it and went back to soaking, but the others kept playing. Every so often it would land by me and I'd throw it back. I felt good about starting a game that others were enjoying.

Meanwhile the main course had been put out, and I finally got hungry watching other people eat and got out. But I haven't enjoyed a party that much in a long time!

Unfortunately, when I got home I didn't feel very well. I was more than just tired and sleepy -- I wasn't dizzy, exactly, but I felt a little strange. I called back the friend who had left three increasingly frantic messages asking for momomom's phone number [Carla, did Ann get ahold of you?] and left messages for her on her home and cell phones, and tried to get on the computer, but I felt too out of it. I got undressed and lay down  and dozed a little.

When I woke up I figured out what was wrong:  I was dehydrated. I haven't been drinking enough lately, and I was too busy having fun to drink much at the party. I realized that I must have lost a lot of water while I was in the hot tub. No wonder I was feeling sick. When I could manage to get up, I filled a liter bottle with water and started drinking. I wasn't up to making anything so I just opened a can of split pea soup and that was my supper. Between the soup and a liter-and-a-half of water, I'm feeling much better now.

I'm still way too busy with freecycle, but I'm determined to find the time to post! And I'm trying to start making the time to read too.

Okay, this is ridiculous. I have no idea why I've been staying away from LJ but it's going to stop right now.

Well, I don't know why I let it go on so long, but I know how it started ... I was incredibly busy for awhile and didn't have any time to read or post for over a week. Whenever that happens I feel guilty about posting if I haven't been reading. I feel like why should anyone read my posts and take the time to comment if I haven't been reading or commenting on theirs. So I don't post. I keep seeing, hearing and thinking things, and saying to myself "I need to post that!" But then I feel guilty and I don't do it.

And when I try to pick up my friends' journals, I feel lost because I hadn't been following them. I try to catch up but there's so much that it's daunting, so I say "Tomorrow I'll go back and start from where I left off and find out how my friends are doing!" Of course, putting it off just makes the situation worse! But when I try to just start from the current post instead of catching up I feel bad because I care about you. With all of you, especially those of you who are dealing with your own or a loved one's health problems, I really want to know how you are and what's been going on in your lives. So I try to catch up, but there's so much that it's daunting, so vow to do it tomorrow....

I truly miss you! But it's a vicious circle. I'm really good at getting myself into those, and not very good at breaking out. This particular vicious circle -- which I get into over and over -- is fueled by insecurity. I've overcome a very large part of the insecurity that was a pervasive force in my life until I was 35, but I can't ever rest on my laurels because if I don't keep working on it, it starts creeping back.

But thanks to sleepingwolf, who is helping with my freecycle group so I have more time, and thanks to kayre and lesliepear, who noticed I was missing, I realized that I do have friends who care and want to hear from me. Thank you SOOO much for the help, and the comment, and the nudge!

If you think my worries about this are stupid and if I miss reading a few days I should post anyway, please tell me! I also want to know what you think is the best way of dealing with an absence. The times when I've tried requesting "tell me if anything important has happened in your life," I've never gotten much of a response. Should I remind myself that knowing how you are is a high priority and find something else to let go so I can make the time to catch up? Should I just start reading again from that point?

When a friend posts a comment in your journal asking questions you've already written about or asking to be filled in, how do you feel about that? Do you see that as a nuisance, since you've already written it all and you really don't want to write it again and you think the friend should go back and find it out for herself? Or do you see that as evidence of caring and happily write a short (or long!) summary of the highlights or lowlights the friend missed?

Even if your answer is the former, please say so, because I'll feel more comfortable knowing how you really feel. I've always been an information junkie -- the more I know about any situation I'm dealing with, from the smallest to the biggest, the more comfortable I feel. I'd rather know something unpleasant than not know at all.

When Tom was first diagnosed, they told us the kind of leukemia he had was very refractory and not usually amenable to treatment. I totally freaked out a doctor when I asked him in a very straightforward way, "How do these patients die?"

I remember it was late afternoon and the room was starting to darken but we hadn't turned on the lights yet. The doctor jumped up, cried "You're really morbid!" and ran out of the room.

I wasn't being negative -- I was hoping for the best. But I needed to know what to expect if the treatment wasn't successful.

The end of the story is that the doctor apologized the next day, and we ended up being very friendly. He never was able to face that particular question, but I never stopped peppering the doctors and nurses with questions and doing research on my own. Even the bad things I learned made me feel better because at least I knew.

I got kind of lost in that digression, but you get the idea. So if you're still reading after all that blather, tell me how you feel about friends who ask to be caught up rather than doing it themselves, and whether you won't bother commenting in someone's journal if they haven't been commenting in yours.

I didn't have any invitations to go anywhere, so I'd been expecting to have a quiet New Year's Eve at home. When that happens, I don't even watch the ball drop on television. I feel wistful about the fact that most people are out celebrating and I have no one to celebrate with, but not about missing a special event -- because it isn't.

If New Year's Day was at the winte