Blogging--It's Good for You says the Scientific American.

A neuroscientist posits that blogging is a form of expressive writing, something which has already been shown to be therapeutic, and embarks on a study trying to demonstrate the reasons.

Another reason for me to get back in the habit!

Testing conditions:  I didn't touch the volume on my computer, just left it where it usually is, and the room is very quiet.

The level I heard it at was very low -- but I did hear it clearly! I'm sure I wouldn't notice it in a noisy retail environment, although it might be enough to make me feel uncomfortable without my knowing why.

Pretty good for a 61-year-old!

Created by Train Horns

I have a new refrigerator!

( Why I needed it )

( New refrigerator! )

It is cold!!! Right now it's 4.6º in my back yard. It's not a record or anything, but it's a lot colder than it usually gets!

Thank goodness I have a good strong heat pump. The electric meter is spinning dizzily, but I'm warm. Well, I'm warm as long as I bundle up. I keep thethermostat at 66º -- our rates recently increased 72%. But I wear sweats and a lined flannel shirt around the house, and I"m fine.

And at least there's no snow. Snow is lovely, but the discs in my spine are falling apart, so I don't want to have to shovel. I love snow, but I'd rather do without it now.

So much for New Year's resolutions ... today is the 13th. But better late than never.

All through the autumnn I just didn't have enough energy to do much of anything. Doing hospice care for Val was wearing both physically and emotionally. His life ended on December 2, but in the depths of my grief I didn't have the heart to post about it -- and I couldn't imagine posting about anything else, or even commenting, without mentioning Val's death. But I keep thinking about things I want to post about, and maybe writing about this will help give me closure.

( Journaling the journey )

It's so ironic. When a lot is going on that I want to post about, I'm so busy that by the time I get around to it it's so late that I need to get to sleep. When there's not much going on there's not much to say. That's when I should get back to reading my friends' posts, but altering habits is hard. I'm determined to do it, though! I changed my theme to a seasonally appropriate one -- maybe the fresh look will be a stimulus.

So I guess I'm babbling to avoid getting to the reason for this post. In my last post I mentioned that Val was in the midst of a lengthy illness. I had had a series of bad vets; thank goodness I finally found a good one -- no, actually, a wonderful one! -- less than a year ago. Or actually three good ones -- Dr. O is in a practice with Dr. J and Dr. S, all 40-something women and all compassionate, thoughtful and gentle.

( History )

So, the diagnosis is definite: He has lymphoma. The radiologist was great. After he was finished and Val was feeling safe back in his carrier, we talked. He recommended cortisone, and I said that's what Dr. O had wanted to give him but she was afraid if his heart was damaged the steroid would cause even more problems, and that's why she wanted the chest imaged too.

I made an appointment immediately for the next time Dr. O would be in. It's tomorrow (Thursday). It won't have any effect on his disease process, but it's supposed to make him feel better. We talked about chemotherapy, but that requires oral treatment, and Val just will Not. Take. Pills. We had such battles with the antibiotics and worm medicine -- Dr. O expressed real concern that fighting with me every other day would diminish his quality of life more than the chemo would enhance it. So, that's out. Dr. O is so wonderful. When there are valid choices to make she stands back and lets me make them -- I have to push her to make a recommendation. But when I try to go off in a direction that she knows is not best for Val, she gently but firmly pushes me in the direction she knows I would want to go if I knew enough and wasn't feeling so emotional.

She -- very properly -- wouldn't give me a time frame on the phone, but I had researched and asked if it was about three to six months. "That's average," Dr. O said. "Tell him I said he's above average!" She also said to spoil him, so I have official permission. The good news is that none of the vets can believe that he's still eager to eat! Every website on feline lymphoma says they lose interest in food, lose weight, and become lethargic. But between the last two visits Val had gained almost a half pound, which is a big percentage on a 14-pound body! He's also driving me as crazy as ever with demands to eat, and is as playful as he was in the spring, although he gets tired faster. Since there's no longer any worry about reducing his pudginess he's getting even more food than usual, and he's eating it all up! He's drinking a lot, too, which is keeping him from getting dehydrated. He has stopped throwing up for now, too. So I'm hopeful that he will be above average. I know he'll never see his 17th birthday, but I'm hopeful that he'll still be around to eat leftovers at Thanksgiving, and maybe he'll even be able to eat a piece of Meredith's birthday cake in January.

But as soon as he stops enjoying life, it will end. I won't put him through misery just to keep him with me a little longer. People have sometimes talked about how they couldn't bear to put their pet to sleep so they just waited until it died on its own, but I've never understood how they could be so selfish. I brought up the subject with the radiologist, and added that "I wish we could do that for people."

He was in complete agreement, and was pleased that I felt the same way he did about it, and told a story about a Catholic priest that had come in with his dog a few weeks ago. The results were not good, so after the sonogram he told the priest "We're going to have a very uncomfortable conversation now." The priest knew exactly what he was getting at. "Oh, no," he said the priest told him, explaining that quality of life was paramount and he wouldn't keep the dog alive once it was no longer comfortable. "I think we should do that for people, too -- it's too bad the law won't let us," he said the priest added, to Dr. Herring's surprise.

For now, Val is still a happy cat.

I'll know more -- not much, but more -- tomorrow. Please pray, send good thoughts, light a candle, or whatever you do to raise positive energy.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
-- John Lennon

I've wanted to come back -- you have no idea! I've missed you all sooo much! I'll try to explain what happened in more detail soon (I've written most of two posts, but I want to keep this shorter so it will actually get posted instead of being saved into yet another Semagic file). But I do want to say that, as awkward as I've felt in the past coming back after much shorter absences (would anyone notice, or care, that I was gone? would anyone still be here?), I don't feel that now thanks to so many friends (and one daughter) who showed that they missed my posts. Many nudges, emails and replies to my last post told me that you were thinking about me and -- more importantly -- missed me and wanted me to come back. I'm not going to list everyone, but you know who you are. I just want to let you know that it mattered.

Enough of that -- I have to introduce you to Floozie! See, the short version of the reason I stopped posting was not that I wanted to, but that my 7-year-old computer, with its total 256 megs of memory, was just not coping with modern life. It took me so long to do what I had to do that there wasn't enough computer time left in my day to do what I wanted to do. The ancient machine was getting slower and slower at an accelerating rate, to the point that it was actually noticeable. I was spending more and more time at the computer and the rest of my life was suffering. I wasn't getting out on walks enough, I didn't have any time to just sit and cuddle Val ... something had to go. Reading on LJ, posting on LJ, photographs ... eventually I did nothing on the computer but what I was obligated to do -- freecycle and my work as the secretary of the board for the building that my church is half-owner of.

So I finally broke down and got a new computer -- a laptop, my first real laptop! -- and I'm sitting here typing on it right now! My desktop never had a name -- it's name on the network is incomprehensible alphanumeric string, and I never cared. It isn't that I decided to think up a name for this one -- when a name was needed during the network setup, it just hit me ... "Floozie!" Kudos to anyone who can figure out why!

Floozie is a Dell Vostro 1700. ( Specs for whoever is interested in such things )

I couldn't find any good pictures to link to, so I thought it would be even better to take a couple of her sitting right on the old family room couch where I'm sitting and typing! ( Floozie's baby pictures )

So say hi to Floozie! (And don't forget to guess why you think she has that name!)

There's a whole lot going on, and I'll start trying to catch up with that as soon as possible, especially Val's lengthy (and still growing) medical saga. I found this new vet just in time, since he's been needing treatment continuously for months.

And please tell me if anything important has happened in your life (or point me to a post). How are you?!

After going through four veterinarians in as many years, I'm pretty confident that I've finally found the right one.

( Val's new doctor )

( Val's checkup -- arthritis and thyroid )

Happy (belated) Birthday
mactavish

Sorry I missed it yesterday -- hope it was happy!

Most years this would be me. This year, for the first time in mumblety years, I got my tax return out a week early! In fact, I just received the delivery receipt from the US Treasury and I put it away properly in the envelope with the other tax stuff!





see more crazy cat pics

The Seder last night went very well, although it was very sparsely attended. In the past couple of years the prime mover of the event has managed to increase the turnout to over 40 people, largely by making lots and lots of phone calls in addition to the standard listings in the various announcement venues of the congregation (newsletter, Sunday bulletin, weekly email blast). This year we only had 21 people, which was very disappointing.

But those who did come greatly enjoyed it. We had lots of compliments, as always, and a lot of people pitched in at the end to help clean up the room, though the kitchen chores were done by the three dedicated people who have done cleanup for several years in the past. Rather than use disposables, the congregation uses regular dishes, glasses and silverware for potlucks, so there's a lot of washing to do at the end of an event. We do have an industrial dishwasher that does an entire cycle in 2 minutes (without drying, though, which has to be done by hand if you want to do sequential loads immediately). But everything still has to be  thoroughly rinsed, loaded, unloaded, and dried, over and over, so there's lots of work to do.

The other committee person and I worked on the room cleanup. I started attending to the distribution of leftovers years ago, because I was the one who thought to do it while there were still people around to take them because I hate to see perfectly good food thrown out, so that's become my job. There's always plenty of wine, grape juice and matzo (since they have to be spread out among the tables, all the bottles and boxes end up open and then only partially used), plus a variety of potluck dishes in disposable containers that people leave there, usually because they don't want to take fattening food home with them and they figure someone else will take it!

But you'd be surprised at how hard it is to give the leftovers away! I want the people who pitch in until the place is cleaned up to get them, but they don't necessarily want anything I have to give away. (Matzo is the hardest, but I did manage to find a home for most of it this year.) The one bottle of grape juice that I couldn't get anyone to take I labeled for the staff and put in the refrigerator -- hopefully they'll find it and drink it!

After finishing leftovers detail I did some running back and forth bringing things from the room into the kitchen (we were in the smaller room, which also happens to be farther from the kitchen, so it's a long traipse), but I don't mind the walking nearly as much as I do standing in one place. Eventually I ended up in the kitchen drying dishes, but at least I could do that sitting down.

I was exhausted by the time I left, but it was worth it!

Although technically Passover hasn't started yet (it begins this year at sundown on April 19), my UU congregation's Seder is today. (We've found over many years of trial and error that Sunday late afternoon is the best time for an event, and that it's unwise to compete with the real Jewish Seders because our mixed couples go to their families' Seders on the first and second night.)

I'm one of the main people involved with the Seder, so I have a bunch of stuff to do. In the past several years I've led the Seder, but I told the other member of the committee (yeah, there are only two of us) that I thought it would be better to have different people do it. (A traditional Seder is led by the head of the family, and in the past the minister has always done it, since they are the "head" of the church "family". But when I approached our current minister in her first year about starting to plan the Seder, she said she is "not interested." In fact, she has only bothered to even attend one Seder in the four years she's been our minister.

But my other committee member found someone else to do it this year, and I met with him yesterday to go over the Haggadah we use. He grew up in a Jewish family, but I was surprised to find that he remembers even less about his childhood Seders than I do. (He remembers that they had some, but nothing about them.)

At any rate, I'm delighted that I don't have to do it this year. But I do have to go shopping for the items for the Seder plate, and be there by 4:00 to help set up, so I'm off to the supermarket. (I already have my contribution to the potluck Seder meal.) Unfortunately my new med doesn't seem to be working as well as it had been, or maybe the higher dose is just causing more dopeyness. But it's not any worse than I've been, so I'll do okay, especially since I only have a small part (the "mother" who lights the candles) and can then relax and just enjoy the Seder like anyone else.

After not having posted or read for a long time due to depression-induced inertia, I had a hard time coming back even when I felt better.

But thanks to momomom, who's been calling me and getting me outdoors, to lesliepear who sent me a nudge, goingdriftless who sent me a nudge, and to ms_interpret who sent me an email, I'm posting this message, and I'm going to make a concerted effort to go back to regular reading and posting and reconnecting with my LJ friends. It's not that I haven't thought of you all -- I have been, regularly. And it's not that I didn't care -- I miss you all! But I was becoming a hermit in RL also. And I'm ready for that to be over.

Another thing that finally pushed me into posting today is that I had a dream about ms_interpret last night. It was a very encouraging dream, too, and I wanted to tell her about it, so I planned to call her today. I thought about her a number of times, trying to figure out what would be a good time, considering the 3-hour time difference.

So I wasn't really surprised to get an email from her, even though I hadn't heard from her in months. Apparently my thinking about her so much got through to her. (I firmly believe this happens, and that it's not paranormal but some sort of completely natural process we just haven't discovered yet.)  When I called her she thought I was calling because I'd received her email -- but I told her no, she'd thought of sending me an email because I was thinking about her so much today!

After we caught up with each other I told her that it's always hard for me to get back to posting after a long break, because I feel guilty about not having kept up with my friends. "I care about them -- a lot," I said, but how can I possibly catch up with their journals after such a long time? I feel guilty and awkward just jumping into reading and posting comments without having been there for so long.

Shannon urged me to just post that I'm back, that I really want to know how my friends are, and that I should just say that if there's something you want me to know about (which to me is anything important that's been happening in your life, since I genuinely do care and have missed you all very much!) to tell me or point me to an entry. She said, "People understand. I see posts like that all the time."

So here is another post like that. I hope you understand!

Thank you for the nudges, lesliepear!  It really helps to be reminded to get back to posting ... and even more, to know I'm missed.

And I've been wanting to post about something for a week, so I was grateful to be nudged into writing this. :-)

Last Friday I drove up to a very rural area near the Pennsylvania border hoping to see the two Short-eared Owls that had been reported hunting over a particular field at dusk. The drive was around 60 miles, the last third on a series of increasingly narrow, curving country roads.

( Waiting and watching )

While we waited in the cold and watched the other birds and animals, I turned to the southwest every so often and took a photo of the sun setting over the fields.





( Two more sunset photos )

( Harriers -- and owls! )

( GPS )